Monday, December 22, 2003

Entry from my live journal

Well, it's not the new year by Western standards, but it is by many Pagan standards, because we just had the shortest day of the year. So the days will get longer and longer until the wheel of the year turns again.

Last night I went to Mary Anne's lovely cookbook party and she asked me if I was writing. C asks me this all the time. And I had to say no, not really, but I felt more sheepish with her. So I started to tell her what little I had been doing. And then my main reason to myself for not writing ran off and so I chased after her. And then I talked more about motherhood and not writing. And Mary Anne said that now she'd decided not to be a mother, she felt this pressure to be a better writer, because she couldn't say to herself well I'll always be a good mother.

And at the same time at this party, I received lots of validation that I was at least for those few hours a good mother, because Special K was at her most mellow and charming. She talked a lot for the first time to a bunch of people she didn't know, even saying her first 3 syllable word, octopus. Usually in front of strangers, she confines herself to a few monosyllables and I look like an idiot for saying she talks a lot, which she does when we're alone. She stayed up for hours past her bedtime and was clearly tired, but enjoying having her proper place as the centre of the universe confirmed. Today she's tired and somewhat fractious, and she cried because Daddy went away while I held her. But I still remember last night.

And as I snuggled in bed with her this morning. I realised that while I have my doubts about my ability to raise another human being to adulthood without damaging them too much in the process, I think every mother does and on the whole I feel good about it. And it's when I do feel good about myself that Special K is at her best.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003


'm back from Hawaii. We had a FABULOUS time!!!!! Special K was pretty good on both flights, even though the one coming back was a red-eye. She enjoys sleeping on us, but next time we'll definitely get her a seat. The airplanes were very crowded.

Highlights of our trip included:

K watching the waves crashing in and clapping for really big ones.

Swimming with Special K in the ocean

Snorkeling and see tons of fish. It was like swimming in a living tropical aquarium.

Watching a green turtle swim in the water.

Hiking almost to see live lava flowing. We turned back when we met a ranger who was supposed to be at the lava flow. She had a gas mask, but was walking back because the air quality was too poor.

Listening to Hawaiian music on the radio while driving. K was screaming in the back but after a few minutes, fell asleep.

It's great to be back home.