Sunday, May 29, 2005

Special K day

Today turned out to be a day almost entirely directed by Special K. We didn't consciously do it, but it turned out to be a good thing. In the morning we lazed around and wrote thank you notes for presents given at Special K's birthday party. They're over a month late, but considering everything that's going on with us, I think it was okay.

That still leaves the Christmas gift thank yous. With K's party, the presents came from folks who either knew us too little for me to tell such personal info, or family and friends close enough to see up close what we've been going through and understand that the thank yous are late. But most lf our Christmas gifts are from distant relatives who would expect to be told what's going on. And my parents have been filling in people somewhat. But it's a bit awkward. An entirely blunt letter would begin:

Dear Distant Relative,
Sorry I didn't write you in January as I was supposed to. Instead I was denying to myself and everyone else that Little T's tumour was growing again. It was a very rude shock, because his tumour had been shrinking and he seemed so happy and healthy. Near the end of the month, we took him to the ER as the fog of denial finally lifted late one Sunday night. Little T spent 10 days in the hospital with Kasabach Merritt Syndrome. Then he caught RSV and was back in the hospital again. Somehow this was harder for us to deal with than when he was in the NICU, because we knew what it was like to have him home and he knows about home too. We grieved. We're still grieving. We've also lost the false sense of security we had when Little T was first discharged from the NICU. We now know it's going to be a long road. We've had several ups and downs since then. And we needed to recover sufficiently from the trauma of January to even be able to think about Christmas when we were naively happy and optimistic. I'm still optimistic, but I no longer believe as I did then that Little T's days of hospitalization are over for good.

Anyway I didn't write any Christmas letters and that thought passed away. After writing K's birthday thank yous, Little T and C went to the farmers' market. Special K initially refused to go, and then changed her mind and decided to go, but it was too late, C & Little T were long gone. We read story books, walked around downtown and went to a friend's open house. Then C and Special K "flew a kite". Special K held the kite up to the wind where it fluttered, but didn't actually fly. She had no interest in letting go. All in all, a very pleasant mellow day.

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