Get your smut right here

Website from the SF Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll via C
Hey kids, go to the Creating Awareness of Education Standards web site, and read the smut in books that you are supposed to be protected from. Comes complete with a handy list of really dirty words in each book. Except that the site says that Shakespeare isn't dirty, because "Shakespeare's works contain neither a pervasive nor gratuitous amount of sex, violence, or vulgarity as do many of the other required reading assignments. For example, they do not teach our children about new types of sex (Song of Solomon which includes references to bestiality, necrophilia, and pedophilia."

So kids, if you want to read about bestiality, necrophilia and pedophilia with your parents's blessing, read Shakespeare. because these concerned parents say Shakespeare is smut free. The site says "most Blue Valley parents do not want their children required to read books featuring teens in sexually active roles" but Romeo and Juliet are classics. They contrast Shakespeare with "sexually stimulating and graphically vulgar content such as Beloved and Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison." So haul out your crib sheets and read some Shakespeare today!

And hey, if you don't want to bother with crib sheets, go and read Master and Commander where you can read about randy sailors rutting goats. Also on the Blue Valley concerned parents recommended list.

Remember kids, dead white guy writing=classic. Live black woman's writing=smut.