I need deadlines

I spent three mornings with Mary Anne ostensibly to write, but no actual writing occurred. We had a lovely time talking and I met one of her writer friends. Actually I probably needed to talk.

We went to a mellow potluck on Wednesday. I met several bloggers from Silicon Valley Moms Blog and got my photo taken. I already wrote about my Sunday brunch. Previously a social situation in which I had to catch up or tell folks about Little T's medical issues would make me feel uncomfortable and unhappy. But I'm starting to feel more okay with it. I notice the people around me aren't comfortable, but the topic itself isn't comfortable, so why should they? I'm conscious that I prolly talk a little longer than people want, but I think that talking longer has gotten better the less I steel up to speaking and spill over like a dam breaking.

I interviewed Judy Winter on Wednesday. She was inspiring but still no writing.

My sister came down today. She said she was going to read my book proposal. And here we come to the crux of why I'm bothering to do the book proposal and not write the book first. I need deadlines. I edited my book proposal yet again. Minor tweaks. We talked about it more.

Writing good. Check. Concept clear? No as clear as it could be. I'm very clear on the concept, but the book proposal could be more clear. Will it never be finished? I'm soo sick of it. And yet I'm still excited about my book.

Why on earth didn't someone sit down years ago and tell me "see Thida writing is like parenting." The daily grind, well, the discouragement, the seeming to do the same thing over and over again, it's awful, terrible. Sometimes you wonder why on earth you're doing it. Inner voices and other people line up to tell you how inadequate you are. Your success or failure is due to your hard work, but is also due to factors completely outside of your control. But you live for those moments it's so beautiful and so right. You do it because you have to and because it changes your life and you really want it to change other people's lives.

And yes, I'm back to writing my book again.