Grumpy Day

Today both K and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as the English would say. Little T woke us all up at 4am by screaming. He ripped out his NG tube and C had to put it back in and change the sheets. The night before I changed the sheets. But this morning my head started pounding, I felt nauseated. I knew if I helped, I'd wind up with a migraine. Instead I was next awakened at 8am by K wailing downstairs. I felt grumpy. After 15 minutes I walked downstairs. "Why are you crying like a baby?" Hardly a good beginning, but better than if I hadn't taken the 15 minutes. K wailed on. I asked "Why don't you talk to me? I can't understand what you want if you just cry." K whined "I don't want to eat." "Okay, then don't eat." I said. She stopped crying and got off her chair. Clearly I had missed some epic battle in her mind.

Soccer was our next test. "I don't want to go to soccer." she whined. I said "Well you said you wanted to go to soccer and we're going to finish the class." After I said it, I wasn't sure if I was talking or my parents.

My parents would say it's a waste of money not to go. My MBA training tells me that the soccer fee is a sunk cost. I've already paid the money and it's too late for a refund. Therefore my going or not should be irrelevant to how much I paid. The continuing cost now is time. Should we go and try to eke out some enjoyment? Maybe she'll find she likes it. Should I maintain the principle that if you start something you should finish it? Is a sign of weakness or bad parenting if I let her quit soccer because she doesn't like it? These questions spin around in my head and make me more grumpy.

After soccer, K wanted to play in the park. But there are trees full of pollen nearby that triggered my allergies and made my head hurt once again. We negotiated going to the park for a little bit then going home. It was a little tough, but we both got to the car without a meltdown. As I buckled her in, I said "I love you."
"I hate you. I don't love you." was her reply.
"It's okay to be mad. It's okay to say you're mad. But those words are hurtful."
"I'm mad at you and I don't like you." she said pushing me away.
On the ride home I talked to her more about anger and love and not liking someone and being grumpy. I probably didn't explain very well, but these concepts are hard for many adults.

I decided not to take her to swimming. Last week when she was in a good mood, it was difficult in the beginning, because she's very afraid of the water. I just wasn't up for more drama today.