Happy Birthday Little T

Dear Little T
Today you're one year old and this is the public portion of my letter to you, which I hope you'll read when you're older.

Knowing you brings such joy in our lives. Right now you're sitting next to your sister. Your hand is on her knee. You're gazing into her eyes and cooing at her.

Yesterday your sister suddenly kissed you and said "You're the best brother ever." I think you're the best son ever. Before I had kids, I didn't know that a baby could express love, but you do everyday. When you gaze into my eyes and reach out and gently touch my face, I know you're expressing love.

I love how you gaze at me intently with your eyes shining brightly as if I was the most fascinating person in the world. Perhaps I am to you, at least at that moment.

You laugh everyday. You even laugh in the ER. You laugh at your favourite joke. You pretend to put your binky in someone's mouth. You laugh, because just yesterday you learned to scoot.

You've had a very difficult year, Little T. The gods willing, it will be the most difficult year of your life. You've spent a fifth of your short life in the hospital. I won't lie to you. You almost died several times. But I really admire you Little T. You struggle so hard not just to live, but to thrive. Though I do complain about your eating, you've overcome great odds to be as healthy as you are today. People, even doctors look at you and marvel at how far you've come. I really don't know anyone who remains as steadfastly cheerful in the face of adversity as you. Yet you also scream loud and long if you don't like something and you believe something can be done about it. It's a unique combination.

Daddy and I had to make a lot of decisions for you this year. I wish we could have asked you what you wanted. I think we understand your spirit somewhat and we tried to do the best we could. I hope our decisions turned out to be the right ones. Time will tell. But we always did what we thought was right for you at the time even if it was personally painful for us. I even wrote a personal essay "His Tube Ate My Boob" in part about the feeding choices we made for you that I really struggled with.

I don't know what the future may hold you for, Little T. I hope we get to spend many more years with you. But whatever happens, even with its heartaches and medical horrors, this year with you was a treasure and gift to us. Now that we know you, we'd always choose you, because you are our most beloved best baby brother and son.