Monday, August 08, 2005

My take on disabled people having kids on a good day

Today was a relatively good day, albeit not a very productive one. I took Special K and Little T to gymnastics. Little T and I watched while Special K mostly did the right thing. She seems to have a hard time listening to the teacher. I think there's too many other distractions like other classes and interesting equipment. In her evaluation last week, she received a few hearts showing she has learned a few things, but no heart by "listens and follows directions." But most of the time she listens and follows my directions.

And today is what I wrote answering the question "Should disabled people have children?"

I have two children ages 3 and 11 months. My movement disorder makes certain things more difficult especially since my younger one has feeding issues related to the aftereffects of chemo for his massive lifethreatening tumour.

I'm a good mom. My kids are both happy and reasonably well adjusted. Being a mom is so much more than being able to provide for them physically. At 3, my daughter can already do some physical things better than I can and she needs less and less physical care though she'll need me to drive her places until she turns 16.

I really wanted to have kids, so somehow I've coped. A lot of able-bodied people find having children difficult. In some ways I have an advantage, because I never expected it to be easy. Everyone has their limitations. For some, those limitations whether physical or mental may mean they shouldn't have kids. However I don't think having a disability, or a bad temper, or whatever your issue is, in and of itself should prevent you from having a child. I think the real questions for any potential parent are
"Are you willing to do whatever it takes to put your child/ren's needs first?" Some parents confuse needs with desires. I mean needs.
"Are you willing to change your entire life so your child/ren can thrive despite your limitations?"

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